


All That's Left Is Dust

by sonus



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, ghost mingyu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28285884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonus/pseuds/sonus
Summary: Minghao is pretty sure he bought an apartment, not an apartment, and a hot but annoyingghost.Oh well, what could possibly go wrong, right?Right?
Relationships: Kim Mingyu/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27
Collections: Ho(gu) Ho(gu)!





	All That's Left Is Dust

**Author's Note:**

  * For [UpInOrbit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UpInOrbit/gifts).



> Merry Christmas everyone!! Especially Val ;)
> 
> Dear Val, I hope you will have the best Christmas ever and that this fic won't ruin your mood jsjsjs I think it's safe to say that you will know who I am the moment you see this but oh well, can't say I tried very hard to not make it obvious :)
> 
> The prompt I decided to go for is 'Living with a ghost probably shouldn't be like this' and I MUST SAY this fic probably shouldn't be like this but I tried...haha
> 
> Anyway, once again Merry Christmas Val! from your secret Santa ;)

When Minghao buys a new apartment he doesn't expect a hot but annoying guy to be included in the package. 

Point number one on everyone's list of things to check for when buying a new apartment should be 'look for ghosts' or 'ask if it's haunted' or 'check online if there was a murder nearby in the last thousand years'. Although, you might not get an answer to any of the questions. Or people might lie to you. The Internet will lie to you for sure.

That's the lesson Minghao has learned the hard way.

He would like to blame his lack of knowledge on the fact that as a foreigner moving to Korea was a challenge in itself and he had no idea what he was doing but Minghao realizes pretty fast that it's not only the only cause.

Both Jun, another exchange student from China who he has met shortly after arriving, and Wonwoo, who is his lab partner in most of Minghao's classes, have told him that checking for ghosts before moving in somewhere is definitely not a thing in Korea.

"Why the fuck would you check for them?" Jun asks with his eyebrows raised suspiciously.

"I think I'm more concerned about the fact that you are asking about it after you have just moved it. Is there something wrong with your apartment?" Wonwoo looks truly worried about him and Minghao starts to feel bad. In truth, it isn't that big of a deal.

"Don't tell me your apartment actually has a—"

xxx

"Ghost!" Exclaims loudly the tall figure sitting on Minghao's couch the next morning after his move in.

His Korean is still kind of bad and the sleep is still clouding his senses so the meaning doesn't register at first. Or the strangeness of the whole situation for the matter.

"What?" He asks, voice muffled. "Did you get into the wrong apartment?"

"No, in fact, _you_ are the one in _my_ apartment," the stranger says.

Minghao blinks.

"Shit, did I sleepwalk or something?" He asks the boy but the longer he looks at the other's face the weirder it all seems. The guy is handsome, maybe even too handsome, definitely the type of person everyone would want to take home on a party night, but there's something not right about him.

Minghao blames his sleepy brain for not noticing it earlier but the guy's skin looks almost as if it is transparent. Which is, of course, not possible but still.

Then he notices the room around them and the furniture under the stranger's butt and, yeah, he is pretty confident it's _his_ apartment.

Minghao turns back to the guy and a cold shiver runs down his spine. How should he play this out?

"How long have you been living here?" He asks carefully, wondering how fast he can get to the door. The couch stands perfectly in the middle of his way to freedom but he has always been a fast runner. The adrenaline should help too.

"Around twenty years? Hard to tell. Which year is it again?" The other sounds so serious that Minghao is rendered speechless. Is this all some elaborate joke planned by his new university to welcome him in Korea? Or maybe it really is just a product of his sleepy brain. Either way, he needs this to end and fast because otherwise, he might be late for his first class.

"I can't tell if you're joking or not but please, do me a favor and _get the fuck out of my apartment_ ," Minghao's words come out harsher than he meant them to be and the boy on his couch looks hurt. Actually _hurt_. Dear god. "Listen, you seem nice and all, and I would _love_ to chat," that's a big fat lie, Minghao would rather not speak to anyone ever again than continue this conversation. "But my classes start in an hour and I _really_ can't be late for them. It's my first day in Korea and while normally I don't care about first impressions that much, this is kind of important."

The boy looks at him with big eyes. Minghao briefly wonders if maybe he has used Chinese by accident and mixed it up with Korean to the point at which his rambling was complete garbage.

But then the guy, who Minghao starts to hate at this point, opens his mouth and speaks.

"But you're meeting me for the first time too and you're not even _trying_ to make a good impression. I would think it's important if I was you. After all, it seems that we will be living together."

To that, Minghao has no good comebacks which becomes a running theme with Mingyu, that's the name of his self-proclaimed roommate, pretty quickly.

Mingyu might have many talents which are still a secret to Minghao but one is clear from the get-go.

He can render Minghao speechless like no one else was able to before. He has to give him that much.

xxx

"—Yes Wonwoo hyung, I'm pretty sure it's haunted," Minghao wonders just how many times he will have to repeat the sentence for it to finally register in his friend's brains.

Well, he can't exactly blame them for not believing in Mingyu's existence. Or rather than that, not believing that he is an actual ghost, not just Minghao's weird but handsome roommate.

"I don't understand why you insist on your handsome roommie being a 'hellish ghost'," Sooyoung is one of Wonwoo's friends that Minghao regrets meeting on some days. He is also one of the people who insist on being a 'visual learner', whatever that means in this context. All Minghao knows is that Jihoon's shoulder slaps hurt, if Soonyoung's hisses are anything to go by. "I mean if I was the one who got a roommate so handsome I would admit it despite hating him nuts I wouldn't complain."

Jihoon rolls his eyes but doesn't hit his boyfriend again.

"I hate him but I'm not a liar," is all Minghao can force himself to say to Soonyoung's ridiculous speech. "Besides, what does being handsome have to do with anything. You aren't that bad looking either and I'm starting to rethink considering you a friend."

This makes Sooyoung burst into laughter. He waves his hands around and slaps Jihoon on the shoulder which makes the younger squeak. Wonwoo watches them from a safe distance which is probably a carefully calculated product of being friends with Sooyoung for years.

"This one is a gem Wonwoo. Can we keep him?" Soonyoung finally calms down enough for Minghao to stop fearing for his life.

"I think I should have a say in the matter too," he points out but it's half hearted because in reality, he is already quite fond of Wonwoo's group of friends. Certainly more than of Mingyu.

"Maybe you should or maybe you shouldn't but I think we are still missing some important information here," Jihoon's voice is calm and collected. Out of them all, Jihoon would probably be the one to believe him the fastest. Except, he still doesn't.

"Does he pay the rent?"

Minghao groans and loses the rest of the hope he still had for some reason. He doesn't know what he expected. For Jihoon to take him seriously? For Soonyoung and the ever logical Wonwoo to believe his ghost story?

Clearly, he was a fool for expecting anything at all.

Still, he decides to answer truthfully. One day Minghao will drag the three of them and anyone else who dares to tall him a liar to his small apartment to show them that annoying smile of Mingyu's which shows the older sharp ending canines. It makes Minghao go crazy and not in a good way.

"Oh he doesn't and the worst part is that he steals from me too."

"Steals _what_?" Wonwoo asks at the same time as Soonyoung says "At least he's hot."

At this moment Minghao wonders if it's too late to pack his bags and go back to China. His new friends only laugh at his expression, probably thinking he is just joking around when everything he has said is the truth.

xxx

The first time that Mighao caught Mingyu stealing his cereal he thinks he is still dreaming.

It's around seven in the morning on a Saturday and Minghao isn't sure why he is awake already. It's been a few very rough days which he spent constantly smiling and nodding his head even when he couldn't understand what the teachers were saying. As it turns out, basic Korean isn't enough to carry him all the way through his academic career. He needs practice. Lots of it.

Which is why he has been willing to talk to Mingyu when they pass each other in the corridors or on the rare occasions when he decides to visit the living room which Mingyu has claimed as his room. At first, he has completely ignored the other’s attempts at making conversation, even the most infuriating ones, but as time passes by Minghao gets used to the other’s presence and the conversations are something he looks forward to. They help him improve his Korean too.

That morning however Minghao isn't in the mood for conversation.

He steps into the kitchen and has to blink twice to make sure his vision is clean and Mingyu really is there leaning over a box of _his_ favorite cereal.

The early morning sun paints his silhouette in all shades of yellow and gold which complement his skin so well. It doesn't matter if the older shoulders are a little bit see-through as long as Minghao doesn't dwell on it.

As long as Minghao doesn't dwell on it, Mingyu looks read.

And he is glowing. And also stealing his cereal.

"What do you think you are doing?" his own voice sounds unfamiliar in his ears as he gets closer, close enough that if he wanted to he could reach out and lay his hand on Mingyu's shoulder. The older turns to him, a lost expression on his pretty face. "Illegal stay at my apartment and now stealing? Should I call the police and see how they deal with you?"

"I'm already dead, remember? I don't think they will be able to help you," Mingyu laughs lightly but he puts the box back on the table and turns his full attention to Minghao. Like this, the older towers over him but it's hard to be scared of someone who looks like a lost puppy all the time. "I just wanted to try them since you've said how good they are but never asked if I wanted a bite. Rude."

"Oh so now it's my fault?" Minghao asks and his voice raises at the end of the sentence but at the same time, he can feel his shoulders relax. After all, what Mingyu has said is true. The cereal is amazing and Minghao has never cared enough to suggest the other tried it. He never expected ghosts to _eat_. Mingyu has never done it around him before. It's also true that the other is dead and police would probably call for help if he tried to explain the situation to them instead of actually helping. "Fine, you can have them. I'm craving chicken anyway."

Mingyu pauses for a moment before grabbing the bright blue box again and throwing Minghao a bright smile. The feeling in the younger's chest is hard to explain but he knows there's a little bit of guilt mixed into it. He has lied, of course, his stomach crying for the sweetness of the cereal as he prepares chicken and watches Mingyu eat. The feeling is unexpected; the soft pulling at his heart when he questions what has really happened to Mingyu, how did a twenty-three-year-old end up haunting this apartment instead of going to university.

Well, Minghao thinks as they eat in silence, Mingyu's gaze fixed on the golden color of the food in his bowl and Minghao's fixed on the older and the fascinating way the morning light plays with his dark hair, they aren't close enough for him to ask.

Somehow it's hard to accept the fact that he will probably never know the answer.

xxx

If on that first day he met Mingyu you told Minghao that it would only take about two months for him to warm up to the other he would have laughed at you so much it would bring tears to his eyes.

Hell, even a month ago the idea seemed so foreign he didn't allow it to cross his mind.

Which makes their current situation even harder to explain.

It doesn't happen overnight but slowly Minghao catches himself settling down to do his homework in the living room instead of his own desk. At first, it's because it's easier for him to ask Mingyu questions when he has trouble understanding Korean when the boy is in the same room as him. The constant shouting through the door was starting to make his throat hurt.

What has started as something with pure intentions has turned into something completely different very fast. Minghao catches himself wanting to get rid of the books taking up most of the space on the table so that Mingyu can put his mug of tea down and join him there instead of sitting on the sofa.

He learns a lot about the other. How he enjoys tea and hot chocolate more than coffee and how he thinks the blue boxed cereal might be his new favorite food. Asked about how is it possible for him to eat food at all he simply shrugs and shakes his head. It's hard to press for answers when Mingyu enjoys it so much so Minghao gives up and instead offers to try making the older's favorite food to which Mingyu replies that the cereal is enough. And so he starts buying two boxes instead of one each time he goes shopping so that they can both eat and Mingyu isn't a thief anymore.

"Is being a ghost any different?" he asks one day after deeming his art history homework less interesting than the tall boy before him.

Mingyu looks stunned, one of Minghao's old books still in hand. It's weird how gently he holds the fragile thing as if he really is trying to decipher the words that cover the pages instead of just staring at them. Minghao knows better since the book is in Chinese and Mingyu definitely doesn't understand his native language.

"I don't know. I don't remember what being alive feels like," he says and his tone is neutral but it makes Minghao feel bad. Maybe it's not an entirely bad thing but...

There's something that has been bugging him for a while now, maybe even since he has realized that Mingyu is indeed a ghost not just a product of his imagination.

"Do you have some unfinished business here? Is this why you've stayed in this apartment? Was it your home once?" Minghao tries to make his words pretty so that Mingyu won't feel hurt or pressured to answer if he doesn't want to but in truth, there's no easy way to talk about this. No words nice enough to not remind Mingyu of the hurting he has definitely experienced. "You don't have to tell me of course but... I just thought that I might be able to help."

"You really want to get rid of me so bad, huh?" Mingyu laughs and it's probably meant to sound natural but Minghao has spent too much time around the older to be fooled by this half-assed attempt. It sounds fake and forced and it makes him grimace.

Still, he decides to play along because if he doesn't know what other roles besides an annoyed apartment owner he can play in this story.

"Would be nice to finally live alone as I've been promised," the lie slips out easily but he can't look Mingyu in the eyes after. "Like I said, you don't have to rush through."

"As long as I get there eventually, right?" Mingyu gets up, book still in hand, and goes back to his sofa. "The thing is... I don't know Minghao. I don't remember my life at all and I don't know what happened to me. The only thing I have is my name and this apartment. Not even a surname."

This is not an answer Minghao expects. Somehow he has always assumed that the lack of information about Mingyu came from the older boy's reluctance not from the fact that there was nothing to share in the first place.

"So you don't even know how..." he trails off, unable to speak the words out loud. Knowing that Mingyu is a ghost is one thing but stating it out loud, talking about his _death_ is too much. It's too real.

"How I died? No," Mingyu doesn't look too bothered but it can be just a facade. When death feels as far away and as surreal as it must feel for Mingyu now it might be easier to speak about it as if it's not something that has once happened to him. "I've been getting short glimpses into what must have been my life here and there ever since you've moved in but nothing useful honestly."

"Would you like to know through? Not only what happened to you but also who were you before?" _Or are you satisfied with the life you have now?_ Minghao isn't stupid enough to ask the last question. Whatever Mingyu had before must have been better than what he has now. He has been nothing but an ass to the other after all.

"Maybe," Mingyu's eyes scan him as if looking for a hidden meaning behind his words. Some ulterior motive to his actions besides the 'wanting to live alone' one that Minghao knows is bullshit. He wonders if Mingyu can tell too. "Now that you say it... I have this weird sensation as if something is calling out to me but I can't reach it."

Minghao furrows his eyebrows and looks around. There's nothing there just as he had expected, only him and Mingyu and the silence around them but the air suddenly feels cold as if the words have summoned more inhuman beings.

" _Mingyu, Mingyu, Mingyu_ ," they seem to be calling or maybe it's just autosuggestion.

Either way, Minghao shivers under the weight of Mingyu's stare.

"Yeah," he says and Mingyu's eyes drop to the floor. "I think I know what you're talking about."

And he has a feeling that they aren't wrong. _This_ , whatever this is, is the key to freeing Mingyu from this half existence. The key to Minghao's freedom.

So why all of a sudden it doesn't sound like freedom at all?

xxx

Since Minghao has no idea how to go about finding out Mingyu's true identity, or more like the rest of it since he already has a name and a face he just needs a surname, family address, and preferable the cause of death, he decides to try talking to his friends again.

"Oh?" Soonyoung's voice raises so high that Jihoon shoots his boyfriend a worried look. 

Wonwoo turns away as if the action alone would make people think they don't know each other. Minghao wonders just how many coffees the older has drunk that day. "It's no longer 'the most annoying roommate in the history of roommates' Mingyu or not even 'my hot but stupid ghost roommie' Mingyu? What is this development?"

"Are you indirectly asking me if I'm sleeping with him?" Minghao raises his eyebrows, unimpressed. Somehow being fated enemies who like to bang as Soonyoung surely views them sounds less complicated than what's really going on. "Because sorry to burst your bubble but that's not happening."

"Yet," Minghao almost chokes on his coffee and he turns around to make sure he didn't mishear it. Surely, it wasn't Wonwoo implying that he will probably end in bed with Mingyu sooner or later.

Last time he checked his friends didn't believe in his roommate's existence.

"More like never," he mumbles but he can't really look Wonwoo in the eyes. There are important things begging for his attention and the fact that Mingyu is attractive as hell is not one of them.

"What about him?" Jihoon brings their conversation back on track and Minghao whispers a silent thanks to his friend. "You've been silent for a while I almost believed he moved away or something."

"Or finally left the Earth to rot in hell," Soonyoung adds helpfully. Minghao gives him a _look_.

" _No_ , he is still living with me I just saw no point in bringing him up since none of you seemed to believe in his existence."

"What has changed then?" Wonwoo puts down his drink and focuses fully on Minghao. The younger swallows hard and brings his own cup to his lips. There's something stressful about being watched this carefully by Wonwoo, and he feels uneasy.

"He wants to meet you all," he says simply because that's half of the truth. The whole truth would be that Mingyu has wanted to meet them for a long time but Minghao has been hesitant since none of them has any idea how his friends would react.

If they will be able to see him at all.

"I also need your help," he adds in a quieter tone. This is something he is scared to voice out loud for some reason. There's this fear in him still that won't let him talk about Mingyu's death out loud but after tightening his grip on his cup till his knuckles turn white he is able to get the right words out. "With figuring out how to help Mingyu move on."

"Move on..." Wonwoo's voice is quiet too now and the older turns away from Minghao.

"Do you know what to do?" Soonyoung asks, his voice much calmer now. There's no trace of the earlier excitement and Minghao sighs.

"I think I have an idea where to look," he says and all the heads turn in his direction. Their faces are all a mix of worry and curiosity as if they think Minghao would ask them to do something illegal. "Or at least where to start."

"Let's start then."

xxx

By the time Minghao introduces Mingyu to Soonyoung, Jihoon and Wonwoo they manage to find their first information about the boy. It's not much but now Minghao can finally put a full name to the face he knows so well.

Kim Mingyu.

He doesn't share the news with Mingyu yet, too afraid because of the strange tugging in his chest he feels each time he opens his mouth to finally let the other know.

Kim Mingyu whose eyes open wide when Minghao comes back home with his friends one day and their world tilts again.

If any of them had even the tiniest doubt about Mingyu being a ghost it disintegrates the moment Soonyoung's eyes scan Minghao's living room and then fixate on him.

"So where is he?"

Minghao feels air leave his lungs and he desperately opens his mouth to _breathe_.

"He's right here?" Wonwoo points to the sofa where Mingyu sits, back straight and shoulders tense with anticipation. "Unless Minghao has another roommate he never told us about."

Soonyoung frowns and shakes his head.

"I don't—"

"See him?" Jihoon takes a step forward and smiles gently in Mingyu's direction. "Excuse my boyfriend, I don't think he realized that Minghao was telling the truth about you being a ghost."

Mingyu's eyebrows shot up until they disappear under his hair. He returns Jihoon's smile and Minghao is finally able to breathe again.

This answers the unspoken question both of them were too scared to voice before. Until this point, Minghao has kind of assumed anyone would be able to see the older but that isn't the case at all.

Months ago he would call it a curse no matter how scary the idea of living with a ghost without knowing about it seems.

Now, he believes it to be a blessing instead, with the way he and Mingyu just fit together. Besides, the idea of Mingyu going around the apartment unable to make him notice his presence, unable to have a conversation makes his insides turn.

It would have been too lonely for the other and so in the spur of the moment, when they sit down on the carpet to discuss things, he reaches out and grabs Mingyu's hands, their fingers brushing against each other.

"Are you okay with this?" he asks softly so that the others won't hear this short conversation. He probably doesn't have to worry about it anyway because Soonyoung has been bombarding Jihoon with questions for the past five minutes and Wonwoo got dragged into it along the way so none of them pay him and Mingyu any attention anyway. "I know you asked me to bring them here but I'm not sure—"

"It's fine," Mingyu smiles at him. "I'm glad they came. You know, when I asked I never thought you would do it considering how much you hated me. Well, still do I suppose."

"I don't," he says, fast.

If Mingyu hears him he doesn't show it, his features frozen in that familiar but not bright smile. Maybe that's for the better though.

' _I don't hate you,'_ Minghao thinks, and then, after a moment a thought he has never thought before comes to the surface of his consciousness. It's hard to tell if it's true or not but it slips into his mind and refuses to leave anyway. ' _I never did._ '

xxx

For a while, Minghao stops looking.

If Mingyu ever asked for a reason he would say that the exams are filling his days with endless stress and studying sessions. Which is only partly true. It doesn't matter anyway because Mingyu never asks.

The older observes from the sidelines as he comes and goes, always awake and alert even when it's the middle of the night. Minghao isn't sure if ghosts need sleep but he has just assumed that Mingyu likes to rest sometimes just as he likes to steal his cereal boxes and eat even if he doesn't need that either.

If Mingyu asked Minghao wouldn't be able to tell him the whole truth but when it's Wonwoo who asks he doesn't hesitate to finally break down the barrier that has been holding his doubts in and let the words flow.

Wonwoo listens to all of it and then nods at him with a small smile.

"I think you should be honest with Mingyu," he says simply as if it was as simple as that. Maybe if Mingyu was still alive and simply his roommate they would be able to talk it out. Well, if he was alive then they would not be in this situation at all. "Or maybe rather than Mingyu, you should be honest with yourself too."

"It's nothing like that," Minghao laughs at his friend. He can't tell Wonwoo just how wrong his assumptions are. It's not about whether Minghao wants Mingyu to leave. There's something else that's bugging him and keeps him from digging deeper, searching more intensely past Mingyu's surname. "I don't know if you've ever asked yourself before why Mingyu won't just search himself up on the internet? Solving this mystery could be as simple as that, right? But he never did that and instead let me, an almost stranger who hated him nuts just a few months ago, search for answers."

"You think you're not going to like what you find, don't you," Wonwoo's words aren't even a question.

Truth to be told, how could Minghao possibly like the results? It's not like it was possible for Mingyu to pass on from old age. His death probably was violent one way or another no matter if caused by someone else, an unfortunate incident, or his own body. There's no easy and nice answer waiting for him at the end of that road and he is well aware.

"I think Mingyu is scared of it and it might be a sign that his body remembers," he says slowly. Wonwoo's eyes light up and he nods. The older is the one he came to not only because he seems much more mature and responsible than Soonyoung and Jihoon but also because during the time that has passed since their first meeting, Wonwoo has grown quite close to Mingyu. It's a weird friendship if Minghao has ever seen one but Mingyu is loud where Wonwoo is quiet and it works somehow. "The memory loss can be caused either by death or shock and trauma, I'm not sure how normal it is for ghosts to not remember their life at all."

"But Mingyu does remember," Wonwoo protests, and Minghao nods quickly. Mingyu comes to him from time to time to share small snippets from his life but all of them are vague and they don't fit together like puzzle pieces from more than one puzzle box mixed together.

"Small fragments only."

"I know you are worried, but when it comes to Mingyu, I think he knows the truth won't be pretty," Wonwoo's words engrave themselves in Minghao's brain and they play like a broken record over and over again at the back of his mind each time he opens the door to the familiar 'Hello' and each time Mingyu smiles at him and each time he wakes up.

Mingyu must feel it too, the tension in the air. It's clear that he wants to do something about it from the way his brows furrow but for a while he stays quiet, looking for the right words.

"Thank you," the words sound so unfamiliar to Minghao he has to take a double-take to make sure he heard the older right. They don't exactly suit Mingyu; the shape of his lips as the words leave them strange and unknown. It doesn't really suit them, the relationship they've had for the past few months which Minghao has been fighting so hard to keep.

"For what?" he asks stupidly. It's not like Mingyu has nothing to thank him for. It might even be the opposite. It can be all the cereal Minghao has bought or maybe the sofa he was willing to lend or maybe— "Is this about the search? I've told you before, it's also beneficial for me and—" Minghao doesn't believe a single word leaving his mouth.

"No," Mingyu says and it successfully shuts Minghao up. He stares, long, as if the other has started speaking an alien language. There's a weird spark in Mingyu's slightly transparent eyes. "Thank you for making me want to actually try again. For all those years I've been stuck here I've just accepted it, you know? But you... you made me crave living again. And before you say anything, I know, I know, you just want me out of the house, which is completely understandable. I can be a pain, right?"

Minghao doesn't know what to say to this level of honesty. It's easy to bite back when they are bickering and no words have any real venom in them, not anymore but this is different. 

This is the truth and Mingyu's feelings laid down before him. He doesn't know what to make of it.

"At least you know it," he says instead of any response which would probably be more socially acceptable but Mingyu doesn't seem to mind because he snorts.

That's where the conversation ends. Minghao traces Mingyu's moves as he runs to the kitchen and he stares after the older long after he is gone and there's the smell of eggs filling the air.

Minghao slowly realizes that he has been lying to them both for some time now. Because Mingyu is not a pain, not really.

And, more importantly, he no longer knows if he wants the older to leave.

xxx

"I'm going back to searching."

It takes Minghao another month of back and forward with himself, a constant battle between what he wants and what he needs to do before he comes back to where he has started.

Wonwoo turns around and gives him a questioning look.

"You're so slow with it one would think you don't want to find what you're looking for," Soonyoung comments and Minghao has to look away. It hits close to home but at the same time, it doesn't really matter what he wants.

Mingyu needs answers. Mingyu has already thanked him for the help that he hasn't delivered yet.

"It's not like I'm looking for information for a paper. This is someone's life Soonyoung."

The older nods and sighs.

"I know," he says and his voice lacks the usual excitement. For once he is completely serious. "I think it's more than one life actually. Just be careful Minghao."

Minghao can't even nod or speak over the lump forming in his throat.

He likes to pretend that his new friends don't know much about him but maybe that's not true at all. Maybe he has exposed his true emotions more than he thought.

Either way, Soonyoung is right. It was never just about Mingyu, not really.

xxx

When Minghao goes to the library he doesn't think about how convenient or not it will be but he needs to be alone, away from Mingyu and his friends, while searching. It turns out to be a good decision, the warm lights, and comfort hidden between the tall aisles giving him the anonymity he has been looking for.

At first, he tries to look online, the screen of his laptop bright, but there's not much on the subject, just a few links that no longer work. He sees Mingyu's record on an old university forum but that's about it.

He does the rest of the work manually, going off the date he found on the internet and the information Mingyu gave him over the last few months.

It takes hours, the sun slowly setting outside and a few people giving him stares as he checks a magazine after a magazine. Finally, he hits the jackpot he wishes never came.

Truth to be told, he has been ready for almost every scenario except for the one he finds. Part of him was almost sure he would find pictures of bright yellow police tape with shocking titles written above them. Or maybe a sad note about a long battle with cancer or another illness.

Well, he was right on one account.

The titles are shocking.

Minghao's hands are shaking.

Article upon article each of them telling the story from a different light.

Minghao doesn't have to read through all of them to understand. In fact, he can't even finish the first one he grabs from the never-ending pile.

It gives him all the information he needs but as he reads line after line he realizes that it's not enough for him, not anymore.

He finally learns that Mingyu is from Busan and studied architecture while living alone and working two part-time jobs. It gives him a peek into Mingyu's life that the older probably will never get to see with his vague flashbacks.

It gives him the most important answer he needed to find but it doesn't tell him what he wants to know _now_. It doesn't tell him who Mingyu truly was. There's nothing about his personality in the colorful magazine beyond the obvious sadness that must have pushed the older to end up where he is now. But that's just speculation that will never be confirmed because Mingyu is not the same person anymore and he can't give reasons behind his past actions.

Minghao closes the article with force and the slippery cover escapes his fingers and the magazine lands on the floor of the library with a dull thud.

For a while, he just stands there trying to focus on what to do now but all he can see before his eyes is the scene painted by the writer's words. A dark room, the same one where Mingyu sleeps now, and a quiet night when the older decided he couldn't do it anymore.

But then he remembers why he's there in the first place and he gets back to work.

Minghao has no desire to read any of the other articles but he takes a look at each one in search of one that's not too badly written and would tell Mingyu all he wants to know. Then he sets off to scan and print the article so that he can show it to the other without stealing from the library.

"Ah," Minghao doesn't expect to be approached by anyone so at the sound of an unfamiliar voice he jumps a little before turning around to face the old librarian. "Research?"

He looks down at the table where the magazine he chooses lays open on the article about Mingyu.

"Something like that," he whispers. His eyes focus on a photo on the shiny page. It's one of Mingyu hugging a dog with the biggest smile on his face. Minghao has never seen him smile this widely.

"Oh, I haven't seen his face in a while," the librarian gets closer and leans over the table to read the headline of the article although it's pretty clear she knows what it's about. "Ah yes, I remember him from his study sessions here. His group of friends was always so loud I had to constantly scold them."

An empty laugh that makes Minghao's guts twist with _something_. He just isn't sure what. Worry for the old lady whose eyes look glazed over now? Jealousy because she got to see the side of Mingyu he never got to know? She met him back when his skin wasn't half transparent as if he was ready to disappear at any given moment, still there but not quite. Sadness for the bright boy who was once occupying space in the library with his friends, completely unaware of what life had in store for him?

Or maybe a mixture of all the emotions which makes him feel uneasy.

"You knew him?" he asks stupidly because he needs to keep talking, needs to know more.

Because, clearly, he is not ready to let Mingyu go.

xxx

It's hard to look Mingyu in the eyes when he comes back home, the older laying on the sofa like always with that puppy stare of his, so happy to see Minghao again as if they've known each other for a while. As if this is his life, not the one he had lived before.

Minghao can't open his mouth to speak, the envelope in his coat pocket so heavy and hot it almost burns when he touches it, battling himself to decide if he should take it out or not. If he should pretend like he still doesn't have the answers.

But Mingyu deserves to know. Deserves to make the decision for himself.

This _is_ the end, Minghao realizes bitterly. Before, he thought that maybe Mingyu needed to avenge his death or maybe say his last goodbyes to his loved ones. He would be fine with that because it would mean he would get more time with the other. It would make it easier to pretend that Mingyu won't leave.

Now, he knows that's not the case.

"I found it," he manages finally, the words heavy and bitter on his tongue. "The answer. I think you should be able to finally move on."

"I know what I want," Mingyu says and looks at the yellow envelope in Minghao's fingers. There's sheerness in his stare, no doubt that Minghao was expecting. "But what do _you_ want Minghao?"

"Why does it matter?" he asks a little bit breathlessly. Mingyu is close, closer than he has ever been, too close and Minghao can't calm his heart. He is sure Mingyu can hear just how loudly it beats too but he doesn't comment on it.

"Because I care about you," Mingyu states simply as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. As if they haven't spent months playing this weird game of push and pull which, ultimately, none of them took seriously.

He might have hated Mingyu at the beginning but now his feelings have switched almost completely.

"Stay then," he says quietly but Mingyu catches it. He takes one step, two steps forward and there's a silent question in his eyes. Minghao nods and takes the last step forward, his arms finding their way around Mingyu's waist. " _Stay_."

Mingyu might be a ghost but Minghao has never felt anything more real and firm. Both under his fingertips and in his heart.

"I was hoping you would say that," Mingyu whispers and lets out a choked laugh. "I don't want to know, _I don't want to know_."

_That's fine_ , Minghao want to say, _You can stay as long as you want_.

That night Mingyu tastes like tears. Or maybe they are Minghao's.

Or maybe, most likely, it's them both.

xxx

"Get up lazy we're going to Busan."

Minghao has never seen Mingyu react to anything so fast. The older turns to him, the glasses placed on his nose sliding and landing at the tip of his nose, on the verge of falling. The surprise in his eyes is visible even from a few meters away.

"What?" he asks, voice unsure.

Minghao smiles lightly.

It's been a few months since things between them shifted. During this time Mingyu regained a few more memories, most of them involving his family back in Busan. Shy comments about missing them escaping his lips a few times.

So, naturally, Minghao checks their address, books a room in a hotel close by, and asks Soonyoung to look after his plants for a few days after Christmas.

"I think that's only fair," Minghao looks to his bag which is packed with everything they could possibly need during their ride down to Busan. "You want to spend Christmas with your family, right?"

Mingyu doesn't say anything and Minghao lifts up his gaze, alarmed.

There are a lot of things he expects from the older. Loud cheering or whining included but what he sees was never on his list.

Mingyu looks as real as the decorations on the Christmas tree; his skin seems to sparkle and his dark eyes are reflective. Reflective with tears, Minghao realizes.

"Even if they won't see me," he says, voice choked.

"Mingyu," Minghao tries to reach the older with his voice instead of moving closer because at that moment he can't guarantee how stable on his feet he really is. "I can see you. Maybe they will be able to see you too."

Mingyu laughs shortly.

"Right. They might. But you know what Minghao?"

Minghao nods shortly for the other to continue. Mingyu's face breaks into a wide smile.

"You say that I probably want to spend Christmas with my family but..." their eyes meet for a moment and Mingyu's smile widens, even more, exposing the sharp tips of his canines. "You know I would be fine with spending it just with you, right?"

Minghao tries to smile as widely as Mingyu too but there's too much holding him back, too much making his smile too plastic, too fake. He thinks back to the envelope in the top drawer of his desk. It still feels like a secret even though Mingyu is the one who told him to keep it this way. The knowledge is heavy, weighing his shoulders down with worry and wonder.

How much the old Mingyu, the alive one, resembled his Mingyu? How much would his Mingyu change under the weight of the knowledge? Would it make him regain all his memories? Or maybe this trip to Busan will be enough to make them come back? Minghao has no way of knowing but he _knows_ he owns Mingyu as much.

Besides, sometimes when they look at each other like this with a smile on their faces or sometimes when they simply lay next to each other at night, Minghao thinks that Mingyu knows. 

Maybe it's just an unconscious thought that's at the back of his head or maybe it's a dream the older can't shake off but Minghao thinks that part of Mingyu knows the answer to this. But maybe it's fine, maybe it won't change a thing as long as they don't say it out loud and confirm it.

Maybe even then it would be fine as long as Mingyu doesn't do what he wanted to do on Earth. Maybe even then it would be fine because at the end of the day isn't it what Mingyu should want?

Maybe Minghao would be able to let go.

"Hey," Mingyu's voice snaps him back to reality and he blinks the haziness away just to see that familiar smile that doesn't waver even for a second. It's not as full of sadness as he has imagined. It's quite the opposite actually and it reminds Minghao just how different Mingyu is from him. The older makes decisions that are a wonder to him. He is one big surprise. "I'm not going anywhere."

Minghao blinks once, twice and then a smile, a real one this time, blooms on his face. That's exactly what he needs to hear right now even if Mingyu has said it before. He still needs a confirmation that the older one will indeed be there the next morning to steal his cereal and help him with Korean homework.

"Well, technically, you are going somewhere," Minghao points to the door and Mingyu's eyes linger on his for a second before he looks to them too. The atmosphere in the room shifts so fast it's hard to pinpoint the exact feelings hanging in the air but Minghao doesn't think it's necessarily a bad thing. Even though his comment was meant to make it lighter, to make them laugh a little, he knows how impossible it is right now when their future is still unknown. Despite both of them knowing what they want. "Nowhere you can't come back from thought. I would not allow it."

Mingyu smiles and nods.

"I don't want you to."

On their way to the door, Minghao takes hold of Mingyu's hand, their fingers interlacing without them noticing. Mingyu's pale ones against his. It doesn't matter that if Minghao looked hard enough he would be able to see his own skin underneath it. He gives no fucks if Mingyu is a ghost or not. The older is just as real as him.

And, who knows, maybe one day they will haunt this apartment together. Or another one.

Maybe one day, Minghao decides as the first snowflakes land on his skin once they step outside. The snow melts on his skin but on Mingyu it stays, white as ever. For now, this is all he wants.

A road to Busan and then a road back to their tiny apartment where all that's left behind is dust.

**Author's Note:**

> and that's it from me today!
> 
> kudos and comments make me smile :)


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